Empowering labor & birth stories guided Alex and I to shape what we wanted our own experience to look like. My hope is that this story brings someone, or a family, closer to a positive labor and birth experience that they didn’t even know they desired or deserved.
**I feel it's important to mention as well that Alex and I were privileged to have this experience, and there is still a great amount of inequity when it comes to pregnancy, labor, birth, and healthcare access in general. I hope that as time continues, more people are able to access the type of pregnancy, labor, & birth that all humans deserve. We can vote for elected officials that support policies in this area!**
Okay, here I go!!
For the first few days, I referred to the whole thing as ‘crazy’ or ‘insane’ (with a positive tone, like, “Whoa, that was actually insane...How did I even do that?!”) because I didn’t know what other words to use to describe what my body had just gifted us...but after some healthy processing with our postpartum doula, a session with my therapist, and some time passing by with our sweet boy, I've been able to piece together what I consider to be our most beautiful birth story- the story that we desired so deeply- it actually happened! Alex and I prepared for this labor & birth with incredible support from the birth professional community in Northampton. I can’t say that this positive story just happened to us; we really put in the mental work to manifest what we wanted for our family and our baby, and I'm really proud of this- especially after our loss.
As we shared our story with a beloved neighbor, she told us that she hopes we share this story in a shout-it-from-the-rooftop kind of way. As a mother with two daughters in their 30's, she has actually never heard about someone having an empowering or positive birth experience. I'm taking her advice, and using this as an opportunity to reflect and share...
My belly and baby had REALLY dropped low the day before labor kicked in!
On Sunday, September 6th, 2020, at 2am, I was woken up by some stronger sensations than usual; I had been excitedly losing pieces of my uterine seal throughout the day. I decided to go back to sleep for a few hours despite the sensations and let my body continue to send me signals. At about 5am I woke up with even stronger tightening waves across my abdomen. I woke Alex and whisper-shouted the long-awaited words, "I think it's happening!" I was more eager than ever on the Saturday prior to the start of labor. I had just spent much of that day expressing how frustrated I was that people always say "you'll know when it’s happening!" So we kept really busy...long drives, waddles down the street, a trip to a nearby farm for some fresh peaches...I kept myself distracted, but I really wanted labor to start- badly- shout out to Alex for seeing the raw version of me that day (and every day, really!). I wanted to drop into the experience and use the tools I'd stored over the past ten months. To make the day even more unique, exactly one year ago, on that very day...I was 12 weeks pregnant when we lost our first baby. On September 6th, 2019 I had my first of two D&C procedures following our miscarriage. I find it hard to believe that the timing of all of this is a coincidence. It seems rather serendipitous that exactly one year after our loss I began labor to welcome our baby boy into the world. Needless to say, I felt like I'd really been pregnant forever, and we were beyond ready to hold this rainbow Baby in our arms.
Back to the birth story...
Later that morning after getting a bit more sleep through early labor, we notified our midwives that it was happening! We spent that morning making sure I got some movement in and some solid nutrition because we knew we were in for a long day/ night/ day? Alex and I went for a lovely walk in the neighborhood, and I paused for breath each time a contraction occurred. We waved at a social distance to our neighbors who have been watching me waddle around through the last trimester. We told them that this baby was on the way, and we received a few good lucks before we settled in to our home for what really was an incredibly long day & night but a beautiful one at that.
Alex continued to check in with our midwives as labor progressed. I became slightly obsessed with the contraction counter on an app that I’m still not really sure I love or hate. I finally agreed to hand over the timing to Alex so that I could just be a bit more present in my body. Every time Alex called the midwives, we always received genuine encouragement to keep going. I knew I had to be 6-7cm dilated to go to the birth center, and we were reminded that I could be in early labor well into the evening. We set up some yoga props in each room of our home to invite whatever my body would need, and Alex taped labor affirmations at each door frame, on the mirrors, and by light switches...not something we talked about, but I have to admit it was entirely helpful for both of us to have those phrases there. My brain recognized them from listening to the birth affirmations meditation (from the HypnoBirthing course) for the entire pregnancy. Almost every shower I took, I passively listened to that meditation- and I knew all the phrases would be stored in my subconscious when I needed them for labor. I like to joke with Alex that I had officially brainwashed myself to believe that my body, this baby, and my brain could do this whole thing...but I really did start to believe in the affirmations after internalizing them for so long. I knew that there was a power within me, a primal power that connected me to laboring women from every time and every place, that would bring our family this baby in a way that my partner and I truly desired- without any medication and in a space that felt just as restorative as our home. Our goal was...happy, healthy, the three of us…finally together. We would repeat this often throughout our pregnancy, and it became our cornerstone of advocacy and the fuel to keep moving forward. This goal also opened the door for us (at 20 weeks) to switch to Seven Sisters Midwifery & Community Birth Center as our providers. A true best fit for us!
We chose to shift to this brand new birth center for a few reasons:
1) We had spent so much time in the hospital during our miscarriage that we knew a fresh physical space was important this time around.
2) When we met Ginny & Kirsten we knew immediately that my whole body and baby's well-being would be cared for and believed in... in a way that perfectly matched our vision for pregnancy, labor, & birth. We were not just patients here. We were valued, whole people.
3) We preferred the extensive time our appts would take that allowed us to check in about our pregnancy journey. Every appt left me feeling eager, excited, and joyful. My anxieties leading up to any appt significantly decreased when we shifted providers mainly because Ginny and Kirsten both took the time to get to know us. Our whole family felt cared for and loved through the entire process of working with these midwives.
4) Alex could come to every appt, and we felt safer birthing at the center (a short-stay facility with two birthing suites) as opposed to a hospital setting during the time of COVID. We were not sure what September would even look like when we switched providers, but we knew we wanted to take the most cautious approach.
5) We were considering a home birth, but we weren’t too sure about our first labor experience at home (maybe next time!?)….This was the perfect in-between and the facility is two minutes away from the hospital if medical intervention was needed.
I knew from our HypnoBirthing course that in a healthy pregnancy there were three factors that dictated the outcome of the birth: the baby's position in the uterus, the trust you have in your providers, and the birthing mother's brain. This was all the information my anxiety needed to kickstart a journey of "what can I really control?"- an ironic question to ask during the most instinctual, natural process that can happen to a woman's body, but hey, anxiety is natural for expecting parents and does have its place. With these facts in mind, I knew that the enemy of the birthing room (Fear- which naturally shows up!- and did for me as well) was NOT going to be a determining factor in the birth of this little cosmic being. What I slowly started to realize in this pregnancy was that what I craved (control) was the exact opposite of what I needed- surrender…and surrender I did.
After a full day of early labor, my parents came over with dinner around 6pm. This was an exciting visit! Hugs all around, heightened eagerness, and pure family love. It was so refreshing to have my parents there, and it helped Alex and I get out of our heads a little bit after a day that required great patience from both of us. It was also just cool to think that my parents were witnessing their baby in labor! Every time I experienced a surge (contraction), I would say, "Here I go!", get on my hands and knees on the yoga mat, and breathe calming breaths with a hint of low "meh-ing" or humming with each exhalation. I don't know how to explain it, but I just knew that this was exactly what my body needed. If you were a fly on the wall for the next few hours, you'd see my parents and Alex playing a board game and me doing the yoga mat thing. It was quite the sight, and I'm grateful my dad took this picture to remember the moment. I wanted everyone to pay attention to something else besides me, so I actually requested that they play a game and eat their dinner while I continued to progress in my labor!
Around 9:00 p.m. my parents left and kissed my big belly bump a "next time I see you, you'll be HERE!" kiss. All the lights in our home were dimmed and Alex chose a yoga music playlist on Spotify to keep the space as calm as possible. Labor really picked up almost immediately after my parents left, but Alex and I knew we could be a team through the night and calmly meet whatever twists and turns the rest of our labor and birthing experience might take.
With each surge I still continued with my "here I go"s, but now I've added a funny and exhausted thumbs up at the end of each surge so Alex can accurately time them and continue to keep the midwives informed. I was still on hands and knees, but now I needed Alex to apply light massage to my back through each wave. His calm presence and patience was absolutely everything here. We discussed throughout our pregnancy what he might be able to provide during labor...and how can you ever really know what you'll need if labor is new, but we kept it simple and decided that his role was to provide a calm presence, to believe in my body so fully that I could feel it, to keep the environment as calm as possible, and to clearly communicate and make decisions with the midwives. He was truly incredible. My birth companion. My witness. Out of this world selfless. I felt as though I could see myself and my strength through his eyes- especially through the most intense parts of labor. He didn’t have to do anything fancy…he was just there…like, really there and open and incredibly him. I don't remember at what time because the concept of time became very unclear at a certain point, but I do remember a moment when both of us were beginning to feel the exhaustion of labor late into the night. My whole labor from start to finish was 29 hours. I remember telling Alex to go get the purple folder from the birth center bag (if you know me well, it makes perfect sense that I had packed a folder with labor & birth strategies- anxious mom/ nerd alert!) where I had written him a letter a few weeks before. I thought that he might need some words of encouragement from non-laboring Jen. He left the room to take in the letter, and when he returned he went into an even deeper state of support for my body and our baby.
Alex took all the phone calls with the midwives in the room next to where I was laboring in our home. Every time he came back in the room to report how much longer it might be until we would leave for the birth center, he calmly stated that we just needed to "give it another hour". As the surges continued to ramp up, my body got creative with what it needed. I continued to experience each surge on hands and knees on my yoga mat, but now I was pressing the top of my head quite assertively into the ottoman and the couch...for whatever reason I'm not entirely sure. I do remember thinking how cool it was that my body knew that it needed to do that. Looking back on this now, it seems very animalistic…but I see it as a powerful move that got me through the next few hours. At 2:30 a.m. we got the go-ahead to head to the birth center. Surges were about 3 minutes apart and 60 seconds long- very consistently. I was too tired to cry tears of joy, but I definitely felt it.
I remember thinking before we left that we had a 6-minute drive to the birth center which meant I would experience several surges on the way there. Considering that I've done the whole labor on hands and knees at this point I wondered how the next 6 minutes would go. In the words of my best friend, "You could feel every little pebble on the road right?!" And oh, yes…I could! Alex was eager to get there with his foot hard on the pedal, but for some reason I wanted to go as slow as humanly possible- like maybe under five miles per hour. I was clutching the center console and that handle on the upper right above me while pushing my feet hard into the floor mat. This was definitely the longest six minute drive of my life! I wish I had this part on video for the pure comedy of it.
When we arrived at the birth center, we were greeted by one of our midwives, Kirsten, at 3:15 a.m. When I waddled out of the car I remember her saying, "Well you're definitely walking like someone who's in labor!" It was refreshing to hear something light on this dramatic evening/ morning! She then welcomed me to the day-bed in one of the familiar and beautiful appointment rooms. I knew I had to be quite far along in labor in order to stay at the facility- in the midst of active labor. After a few rounds of me catapulting off the day-bed and onto the floor during surges, we heard the news that I was 7 cm dilated and that we could stay!!!! YESSSSSSSS- This was even more exciting than hearing we could drive to the birth center!! I started crying tears of joy at this point despite my fatigue. I figured we would not be sent home to continue laboring more because I felt like I was putting in the work, but dang, it felt SO good to KNOW we were getting really close to meeting our baby.
This next part I've been finding hardest to write because it feels more like an out-of-body experience than anything else. I remember being asked if we wanted the blue room or the orange room and feeling so excited that it was finally time to make this choice! Of course, if you know me, I've always picked orange as my favorite color. In kindergarten, I felt bad for orange because nobody picked it as their favorite color (true story), so naturally to welcome this baby into the world...orange room it was!!
When we started to settle in to the orange room, I remember feeling the beauty, peace, and calm that the physical space presented to us. The center had officially opened just a few weeks before, and there is something really special about the facility. The space itself invited what we valued when we imagined our most ideal birthing scenario as opposed to a hospital setting which some people prefer…I totally respect this! Our family believes that medical interventions and pain meds can be life-saving and necessary for some mothers and babies, so I want to share my story here without judgment of anyone else's story. All birthing women are truly incredible, and it takes an intense warrior of a person to bring a baby into this world no matter what that happens to look like!!!
I had a strong feeling that my body and this baby could work together in harmony when active labor kicked in and it turns out my gut was right…
Alex went to the car to bring in our bags and what seemed like too many yoga bolsters. It looked like we were moving into a yoga studio. And, yet again, I requested as soon as he came back from the car that he place my yoga mat on the floor so I could return to the almighty hands and knees position! This room was stacked with possibilities for new laboring positions, so I was encouraged to try a few! I tried the tub- liked it for a while then realized I needed to feel more grounded and less cold (although the water was warm!). I tried the bed- did NOT like laying on my side at all and basically jumped out of the bed and onto the floor during a surge. Loved the hot shower with removable shower-head, but my legs were feeling a bit weak at this point. I retreated to the toilet for some more surges, but I wasn't too sure about that either- I kept picturing how the weight of me on the toilet would leave a funny toilet seat imprint on my butt (weird thought ha!), and I didn't want to stay there long. After about three hours of trying all different laboring positions and locations, and continuously returning to hands and knees...I (yep, you guessed it!) returned to hands and knees on the beautifully tiled bathroom floor! Surprised!? Nope. Me either. I forgot to mention that when I was laboring on the toilet, the amniotic sac was visible. My water still had not broken at this point which I thought was pretty neat. It added to the suspense! Alex was squatting in front of me, and I asked him what it looked like...he sort of laughed and said questionably, "It kind of looks like an alien or an alien balloon?" We both thought it was so cool for some reason, and we were definitely laughing in this moment.
Back to the bathroom floor, surrounded by my glorious birth team (!!!), I began to sweat...A LOT. The discomfort was definitely increasing, but I knew each surge was bringing me closer to our baby! Alex suggested after an intense surge that we "move into the other room where there is beautiful, natural light". I remember in this moment feeling incredibly angry with him, and then the midwives agreed that it was a solid idea! (Now I was angry with all three of these gorgeous people…which is funny considering that the three of them just wanted me to feel more comfortable and bring this baby into the world NOT in a bathroom…on the floor…under fluorescent lights!) I now truly appreciate this suggestion- laboring Jen did not! Without warning (I remember, maybe Kirsten, saying "Oh! Okay! We're moving!"), I started vigorously crawling on hands and knees (while grunting) into the next room- the room of magical, natural light that my sweet hubby wanted for ‘the big moment’- he's a sucker for a good story! As I was crawling, I experienced another surge and my water suddenly broke! I thought this was super cool and stared at the liquid for a hot second before continuing my grunt-crawl to the final laboring area that my body chose- right next to the tub…which I didn’t like. Almost as soon as I got there, I was in transition. I believe we checked my dilation one more time before it was time to push; I then felt that undeniable urge to push that people talk about. When the surges came on at this point, my voice started to get higher and a bit more panicky sounding- I’d say it was probably a scream. I don't think I felt panicked, but my voice indicated that I did. I was encouraged to bring my voice lower and put less emphasis in my arms...which were reaching out for Ginny and Alex. Kirsten was behind me monitoring the baby's heart-rate through many surges and preparing for baby's ultimate arrival. My first few pushes were what I felt could be classified as "rookie pushes", but I was figuring it out and needed to cut myself some slack. I looked at Ginny and said something like "I have no idea what I’m doing. I need you to tell me exactly what to do." The advice was golden. Take a REALLY deep inhalation and then breathe out and down (like you're experiencing a bowel movement). I also was thinking of breathing in a downward "J" motion as was suggested in HypnoBirthing class. I was VERY vocal... to the point where my throat felt sore during the first week postpartum- a bit like I was screaming at a rock concert for hours or something. My sweat was so intense at this point…just covered in liquid…and I was asking for cloths that had been dipped in ice water. Maybe I was demanding them? (Sorry, Ginny!) Alex said I was covered in ice cold cloths on my back and that it looked like I had a cape on. Superheroine status. The cape was as close as I got to wearing clothing during the whole labor. Birthday suit status. Through each surge I was able to take about three strong breaths and push a bit further every time. I felt the baby's head (kind of felt weird and squishy with a lot of hair), and I was ready. Here I go! Alex told me that as he witnessed me during the pushing stage, he thought I was both beautiful and incredibly terrifying. I kind of LOVE this, and side note- I think that's why the patriarchy exists- there is no raw power like the raw power of a woman birthing a human. Men simply do not have this power and for centuries have built a system that would strip women of this insanely awesome power...because, well, it TERRIFIES THEM! I've got some other thoughts on this, so grab a cup of virtual tea with me later if you want to continue this feminist aside! Alex also said it was "like watching a beautiful exorcism", so there's that, too! Thanks, honey!
While on my knees with my torso upright and my arms strongly gripping Ginny's leg and Alex's hand, I was held securely by the confidence of my birth team. This was IT! After about 30 minutes of pushing, I took one more extremely strong gulp of breath (BREATH IN LABOR IS EVERYTHING BY THE WAY!) to power me through the final pushes. On an exhale, I felt the baby's head and shoulder's smoothly squeeze through the birth canal, and then wriggle out onto the floor which was only an inch or two below me. The adrenaline in the room was palpable. Thinking about this moment now, it felt like everything stopped when I saw this baby for the first time. Alex describes this moment paired with a special kind of morning light that just hit the top of the trees outside the window. He would notice something so literary at the moment of this baby's birth- the natural light he was looking for but something even more magical.
I don't remember who handed the baby to me (or maybe I just picked him up), but I shifted to my bottom so I could hold him to my chest. This happened both so quickly and in slow motion. At 7:11am, I said in my new mom-voice, "It's a boy! It's Ferris! He's here!" We didn't know the sex of our baby and hadn't really decided on the name, but these words just so smoothly slid out of my mouth. He was SO alert when he arrived. He was already curious, seemed determined, and just had a sweet kindness about him.
We decided to shift to the bed in order for me to birth the placenta. The four of us (wait- now five!) sort of slouch-walked, Hunchback of Notre Dame style, carefully over to the bed. The umbilical cord was long, so this part was less tricky than I imagined. Ferris almost immediately started the breast crawl while I birthed the placenta with the guidance of Kirsten and Ginny. Alex was taking photos at this point to capture the afterglow and take it all in. While I was stitched up, Alex spent about 30-45 mins loving some skin-to-skin with his newborn son. I loved watching this. It melted my heart.
It was also a lovely distraction...it was hilarious that I suddenly became a bit of a wimp when I was getting stitches yet I just birthed a human! I guess the adrenaline had started to wear off?! Alex brought Ferris back over to me when I was beginning recovery mode. As Ferris nursed, I was so in awe of this baby’s face and body and spirit. He gripped my finger so tightly. He really was SO alert and awakening to the world around him. I couldn’t believe he was finally here- and gorgeous and healthy and eager to learn with us.
I didn’t know that he hadn’t been weighed yet, but I remember Ginny announcing 7:11 when he arrived. This definitely proves how ‘in the zone’ I was (or maybe ‘out of it’?), but I thought that she was eye-balling Ferris’s weight- like she could just tell he was 7 pounds and 11 ounces (which was my guess when we were pregnant). What I didn’t realize was that she was stating the time of his birth- ha! Oh no, Ferris was a bit heavier than 7 lbs. Weighing in at 9.04 lbs, Ferris arrived in chubby, double-chin style! We spent the next few hours staring at him, taking a million pictures, dressing him in his first outfit...and…cleaning up meconium off my elbow, the bed frame, the bedsheets, Ferris’s body, and probably some other surfaces I’m forgetting to mention (maybe the floor or the wall?!). While Kirsten, Ginny, and I wiped down the meconium explosion, Alex filled out our baby’s birth certificate paperwork, officially naming him Ferris Alexander Walts-Houpert. Ferris...because Ferris Bueller’s day off is our favorite movie & the name is Irish/ means “rock” or “strong”; Alexander...because that’s his daddy’s middle name, too; and Walts-Houpert...because equality...and I love my last name!
At about noon, we started to pack up the car and bring this tiny human home. We were home about 5 hours after Ferris arrived. I think this is a benefit of a short-stay facility…because honestly...if mom is healthy and good-to-go after labor...there’s just something about being home that makes the healing feel more accessible! Both sets of grandparents came over that very day to meet their grandson who had just been born. Along with the natural grandparent love they brought with them, the grandparents came bearing gifts! The three of us were showered with adorable baby outfits, roses, a sweet baby boy balloon, yummy meals, and listening ears as we shared our story with our own parents who brought us into this world.
What a beautiful life. What an empowering experience as a woman. What a gorgeous start to Ferris’s journey.
Our little family of three.
